You breakup, then make up… And then you find yourself back in the yo-yo relationship cycle and miserable again. So how can you have a clean breakup once and for all?
Dr John Demartini is an international Human Behavioural Specialist, educator, bestselling author of 40 books and a consultant – and he knows a lot about human behaviour and relationships. So much, in fact, that the personal development expert has shared his wisdom as a guest on Larry King Live, he regularly contributes to Oprah Magazine and he’s shared the stage with Donald Trump and Deepak Chopra. Yep, this man knows his stuff. So if you find yourself in a repeat pattern relationship holding pen, these insightful tips and steps for a clean breakup that’s honest and fair could be just your ticket to happiness…
Step 1. Write down the relationship facts
“Relationships problems are universal,” says Dr Demartini. “While there are ways to communicate and work through some issues, sometimes it is best to recognise that a relationship is over and end it so both parties can move on. Repressing the reasons why you are moving on to save or prevent emotional reactions isn’t always the wisest approach. Both you and the other person deserve some closure.”
Dr Demartini says if emotions are dictating your unhealthy relationship hamster wheel, get factual. “Be clear in your own mind what your reasons are for leaving,” he advises. “Sit down and write out objective facts, not emotional feelings; objective facts that substantiate the reason why you’re moving on. This way, both you and the other person involved will not have lingering ties or emotions and hold on to fantasies that may prevent you from ending the relationship.”
Step 2: Time your talk
Mid argument is not the right time to drop the breakup bombshell, especially if you’re fuelled with anger. So when is a good time? “Know that there is never a right moment,” says Dr Demartini. “There might be some times that are less appropriate than others, such as at a social engagement, but if you keep waiting for the right moment you’re just prolonging the inevitable and lying to your partner.” Pencil it in. Now.
Step 3: Be honest
It’s easy to sidestep the real reasons you’re ending the relationship for fear of hurting your partner’s feelings, but it’s better to call a spade a spade and be totally honest. “Often in breakups, people give half-truths or lie for fear of hurting the other person, or out of shame,” explains Dr Demartini. “Being completely honest gives the partner the freedom of moving on. So it is very important to tell them all the reasons why it has to be over.”
Step 4: Stick to your decision
If you really want to stop the yo-yo cycle, you need to be committed – to yourself. “Don’t keep going back to a destructive relationship,” says Dr Demartini. “Do what you need to do to avoid the temptation to go back to them.” That means avoiding ‘tempters’ such as alcohol-fuelled phone calls when you’re feeling lonely, and other triggers you know you’re susceptible to.
Step 5: Nurture YOU
You deserve happiness, and if a relationship is making you unhappy or you just know it’s not right, then put yourself first for a change. You only have one life on this planet! “Asking yourself what your values are in life and how you can pursue your own values will help put the focus back on you and your needs,” explains Dr Demartini. “A breakup means a fresh start for you and a chance to re-evaluate what and who you want in your life.” So take advantage of this new chapter in your life and the opportunity you’ve given yourself to find true happiness.
ABOUT: Leading human behaviour expert, author and founder of The Demartini Institute, Dr John Demartini is in Australia from August – November, hosting his signature course ‘The Breakthrough Experience’ and a public talk on ‘The 5 Secrets To Great Success’ in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane and Perth. For tickets visit here. And for more great tips and advice to maximise your happiness, check out Dr Demartini.